How To Make Friends And Influence People

Every year, during the Media Guardian International Edinburgh Television Festival (MGIETF), an event is held known as the McTaggat Lecture. An influential television personality addresses a room full of everyone important in the industry and discuss the current state of television.

Last year, Jeremy Paxman scolded television for its simplistic view of its audience and its reliance on capturing the "all-important" 18-25 crowd. This year, the speaker was the head of ITV, recently fired from the BBC over the Queensgate scandal. He spoke about the dangers, and new challenges, that new media and channel fragmentation brought to television.

But, more importantly, I was there this year.

Hidden in a corner, on a balcony, and as far away from the proper industry professionals as we could humanly be place, sat 150 of us. We were the eager kids on a course to get jobs. We were here to learn about the television industry.

The speech was amazing, and remained entertaining despite its forty minute running time. But this isn't important. This is just the setting of the scene.

The real beginning to my story is at the end of the speech, with the words "If anyone fancies it, there will be a party, with free drinks, held at Dynamic Earth."

The beginning of the story continues with my thoughts being, in this order: "A party?", "With everyone important from the industry attending?", "Free drinks?" and lastly, "This is EXACTLY what this weekend is about!".

The beginning of the story then abruptly ends with the knowledge that we, the young job-seekers, were not actually invited to said party. Oh, the defeat in my heart at that moment. But this is where the meat of the story begins.

Like I mentioned before, that party was the exact reason I was here in Edinburgh and so it became my goal. In my head, access to that party meant access to the industry. I had to be there.

Since it was only the second day, my friendship with people hadn't taken off yet. I recognised some people, and knew the details that you tell people the first time you meet them (Where they live, what course they've just finished) but none were friends. This didn't stop me trying to recruit them.

"Want to gate-crash that party?" I asked, eagerness on my face. "No" is what everyone responded with. They were tired, or they were going to party elsewhere, or it was impossible.

And maybe it was. Who was I to buck the trend? Some young, wannabe-writer, with no concept of the order of things. Big, important people went to free-drink parties. People like me sat outside. That was the way it was supposed to work, wasn't it?

A coach pulled up, ready to take people back to their rooms and to their beds. A queue formed for it and I joined it. These people were right. The party wasn't for me. And so I took the shameful walk towards the door.

Now, this part my sound cliche. It's that bit in the movie when the hero wrestles with a decision and at the very last moment gets off the train to pursue his true love. But sometimes, just sometimes, it happens in real life.

I didn't get on the coach. Instead, I stood by the door, wrestling with my head. Two paths were very clearly in front of me. I could get on the coach, head home, take money out, drink and party. Or I could search for this party and blag my way in.

One was a guarantee. With ID and money, you can get alcohol anywhere. The other was risky, wandering around Edinburgh on a whim and a dream. I chose the latter, because if I hadn't I would have regretted it forever.

So I left the coach behind and began the trek into the centre of the city. I didn't know the way to the party, so I followed people with name badges and suits, the people that looked important.

On the way I tried to work out how they would separate those that were invited and those that weren't. It was down to the colour of our name tags. I had light blue, and the people in the suits had red. Damn! It was obvious I wasn't invited!

Anyway, turns out that the suits I was following didn't know the way either. I latched onto another group, and a third, before eventually arriving at Dynamic Earth.

It was AMAZING! Like a huge, bubble tent full of famous people and free wine. There were clowns on stilts and funny looking lights. Suddenly the journey had been worth it. Until I saw...

...two more young people like me. They sat rejected, about 100 metres from the venue. They'd tried too, and were casualties of the strict door policy. Did I walk all this way only to find defeat and disappointment?!

I talked with the two of them for a while, analysing what they did wrong, before they departed for the guarantee of entry and alcohol. I took a deep breath, and approached the door.

I was rejected.

Yes, that's right. I had walked all this way, through the winding streets of a Scottish city to find myself denied access. It was devastating! And yet I refused to give up.

The balloon-esque venue was see-through, and from outside I watched all the important people mill about and drink free wine. They were living my dream, damn them! Maybe, I thought, I can catch one when they leave to smoke. I could pitch myself and get a job or, at the very least, entry to the party.

So I watched with envy green eyes and waited for that all important person to leave. They never did. People tended to leave in groups, or already talking on the phone. I was raised to be nice and never interrupt someone. My plan had fallen at the first hurdle.

"Chris!" I heard. This is my name, so I turned.

Now again, I must warn about cliche. This part of the story sounds like a lazy screenwriter's tool, a wee bit of deux machina. But it is 100% truth.

The person calling my name was someone I used to go to college with three years ago. We weren't really friends, merely acquaintances, and I had pretty much forgotten his existence. But here he was, greeting me with a smile and a handshake. And, ever so importantly, a badge that could get him inside.

Apparently, last year he did the same course that I was currently doing, and this year he was a steward. This meant an all-access pass to lectures and parties. So I explained my predicament, he took my badge off and placed his one over my head and we casually strolled into the party.

I was there, inside. I had succeeded! Victory was mine! Etc!

Inside, I spoke to an ex-producer of Dr Who and a guy called Charlie Brooker who writes for the Guardian and presents very funny shows. I drank free wine and beer. I found out that a mere ten people had tried to get into the party, and five had managed it.

Later, as the party was ending, I met two of those people. One, a girl called Evonne, I had met at breakfast that morning; another fact that would seem cliche if it hadn't been true. She had snuck in through the kitchen and convinced the chef to let her pass. It is her story I will steal if I ever write my autobiography.

That night I almost saw a burlesque show, was bought a bottle of cider by a Belgium stranger, and got so lost trying to find my way home that I had to ring Emma to get her to Google Map me to safety.

But none of it compare to getting into that party, and having this story to tell.

Best night in Edinburgh!

:D

http://scienceishardcore.deviantart.com/art/Animal-Party-66277180

Buddy Christ

What I SHOULD have said to the person in Edinburgh who asked if I was "personal friends with Jesus":

• "No. I don't make it a habit to befriend imaginary people. Not after the whole Santa episode."
• "Yes, and the bastard owes me money! If you see him around, tell him Chris wants what he owes me or I'll send the boys in!"
• "I was. Until he broke my heart!"
• "J-Money?! How is my main man?"
  

:P

http://slytherin85.deviantart.com/art/Who-would-Jesus-ban-70478203

Strangers with Evil Candy

"It'll be just like starting University again!' I said to all that were forced to listen 'I'm meeting a whole bunch of people, leaving in halls, and going to classes. It'll be awesome!"

What you have just read is the view-point of someone who hasn't started University for three years. During this time, all the bad memories have faded, leaving only the false or rose-tinted.

So for the benefit of my past-self, who will never be able to read this in time, here is one simple truth: People are scary.

That's right. Anyone you don't know, assuming that you have been properly educated, is a potential threats. We are brought up to think this. Strangers offer you poisoned sweets that will blacken our stomachs. They pick you up in cars and take you to their houses where you have to eat vegetables ALL the time. Strangers are bad people.

The idea of a weekend in which I must meet and befriend 149 strangers makes my brain flee with arms waving in the air. There just isn't enough time. I need to watch, tread carefully, and calculate the danger. In three days? Not possible.

But whilst my brain is allowed to run free, even if that does mean away, my body must stay and schmooze. Small talk is shared; the unimportant things like age and favorite films. Nothing that could be used to there advantage, things like the location of my spare key.

I get so used to sharing little pointless things that I run on autopilot when talking to people. I'm Chris. I'm 21. I like Serenity. Lather, rinse, repeat, forever and ever. I'm safe, but missing out on the real conversations.

Like, how would you defend your house against a ninja invasion? Or, what do you think it's like to die? Or, how is it that Big Brother is still getting commissioned?

The types of conversations you have with people who you know and aren't afraid of. The best bit about University really.

It certainly isn't the stranger-filled first few weeks. Just what was my past-self thinking?!

:D

http://pullmyheartstrings.deviantart.com/art/undie-shy-19385266

To Edinburgh, and Beyond!

There should be a review posted today. There won't be.

There should be another on Friday, but that won't be up either.

And don't think Monday's will be posted either.

Because early tomorrow morning, and I'm talking stupidly early, I'm getting on the train and going to Edinburgh.

It'll just be like University again. I'll be moving into halls, meeting new people and going to lessons.

I will sample the TV industry world, listen to lectures from TV professionals, write scripts for real-life actors and hopefully get a foothold into some kind of job.

And I think that is a little bit more important.

Will report back next week, hopefully in a happy mood.

Till then, bye bye!

:D

Forbidden Kingdom

What's it all about?
A kid, who looks remarkably like a second-rate Shia LaBeouf, finds a magical staff that teleports him to a kingdom far away.

There he meets a drunk immortal, a monk and a beautiful girl, who help him on a quest to return the staff to its rightful owner, the Monkey King.

Looks Like...
Nothing special.

At no point does the film look bad but it mostly just gets along doing average. Colours are colourful and darks are dark (occasionally TOO dark). The CGI was passable. That is all.

Special mention does have to go to the costume design however, who managed to crystallize each of the characters with the costume they wear.

Sounds Like...
Despite having quite the famous composer (A Mr. Gregson Williams, I'll have you know), the music itself was generic and just got the job done, without flash or brilliance.

Feels Like...
Now I must repeat myself again. The story was nothing special, just merely passable.

We've all seen these type of stories enough times to quote them off by heart. Kid has trouble in real world, travels to mystical realm, defeats great evil and then uses the things learnt to sort out their real life. All it is is "The Neverending Story" all over again, with a Chinese twist.

But the film knows what it is, and also knows why people are coming to see it. The reason is right up there on the film poster. Jet Li and Jackie Chan. This is the first, and possibly only time, we can come and see two great film martial artists fight in the same film. It's the most important day for these types of film for the foreseeable future. It'll sit high until a certain Mr. Lee rise from the dead.

And it is here that the film rise past passable and into kickass territory. When they fight inside the temple, it is like watching masters at play. It can be argued that neither is in their prime, but the kick, punch, tumble and fall better than any of these new pretenders to their throne.

It is when these two are on screen that the film hits its stride. They have chemistry and seem to be enjoying themselves in a way that almost breaks the forth wall. They look like they're enjoying their first chance to work together.

It is just a shame they have to choose this film to do it in. As mentioned, the story is predictable and cliche, yet still full of plot holes. The hammy plot is complimented by pretty hammy dialogue and acting. There are laughs, but not enough considering the material. At times it takes itself WAY too seriously. And characters aren't fully developed or properly explained (Why exactly does the girl refer to herself in the third person?).

Despite all this, it IS watchable. The tone is childish and simplistic, but also fun. And it also never patronises, which earns it bonus points.

And if anything, it should be seen for one of the pivotal fight scenes in movie history.

Verdict...
Not great, but not terrible either. If you're a fan of either Chan or Li, their fight is worth the ticket price alone.

Wall-E

What's it all about?
Earth has been abandoned by humans because of pollution, and they've all taken refuge in a giant space-station.

Wall-E (Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class) is the last of the robots left to clean up. Because he's been left so many years, he has developed the glitch of curiosity.

When EVE, a robot in search of any signs of life left on Earth, arrives, Wall-E falls in love and so his adventure begins.

Looks Like...
Your eyes have been sprayed with pure beauty.

Every year we get legions and legions of CGI cartoons from the good (Shrek), the bad (Madagascar) and the ugly (The Reef). Yet, in sheer animation quality, Pixar top them all, as easy as an Olympic runner at a school sports day.

But every year I worry, because these films ARE getting better, and I'm always unsure whether Pixar can pull it off again. But they did, and then some.

When it is good, it is perfection. Both Wall-E and EVE seem like Pixar found a wasteland and shoved two real, working robots into it. It was that good.

Even at its low points (the humans) it is as good as the best of its competition. So nothing to complain about on that score.

Sounds Like...
It is always amazing that Wall-E and EVE could be understood despite they say about ten words between them. To pull off over half an hour of silent film is something to be applauded in this age, and so props are given and hard work recognized.

The voice acting, like most Pixar films, is good without being celebrity driven. There is no Mike Myers/Cameron Diaz/Eddie Murphy combination here to draw the crowds, just the correct voices for the characters.

Feels Like...

Okay. Let me get the negative out of the way first. This is NOT the best Pixar film ever. This is a studio that delivers amazing films, time after time. I would argue that they have never made a bad film. So to not be the best is not such a negative thing.

It plays its green message a little strong, occasionally letting preaching slip in, although I never found it too distracting. When the story focuses on the humans, the story slips from awesome to good. And...that's it. Negative stuff out of the way, now I can be a fanboy.

I loved this film. I was always going to love it, unless the exception that it pulls a 'Crystal Skulls' type disappointment out of the bag. I was going to love it because I love Pixar.

This is a company that values story over big names and fancy gimmicks, who always deliver something new and creative. Wall-E was there biggest leap of faith, a film in which the lead characters hardly speak. I've said it before here, but the fact that this film even got made in this ADD-riddled children's market is a testament to the faith that Pixar put in story over "what the kids want". Even if I hadn't loved the film, I would have loved the gesture.

Wall-E, himself, is an expertly drawn character. He is pure robot, and yet the animation team has made him more emotive than the best of human actors. He hums and blunders through the film; part Johnny 5, part Buster Keaton. He feels real and therefore we feel for him. The film is not Pixar's best, I've already said that, but Wall-E ranks up there as the best character they have created (Standing side by side with Boo from 'Monsters Inc')

EVE, the design opposite of Wall-E, is the perfect partner for him. Whilst he tumbles, she glides. He explores, whilst her mind is set on one goal: finding life.

Their relationship is the core of the film, and the best bit. The way they interact, in a melody of beeps and hums and half-pronounced words, is fascinating to watch. We see Wall-E fall in love instantly and know why. Through his actions we see how much he cares for EVE. When she ends up falling for him, we care because he cares.

The film contains more romantic moments than most real-life romantic films. Their first "kiss" is the most touching, sweet moments you'll see this year. That is until you see their second one, which tops even their first. It is a moment that should bring tears to the eyes of all who have hearts.

The only reason the human element in the second half feels slightly disappointing is that it has to be compared to the fabulous scenes with these robots. Ironically enough, Wall-E and EVE are more human than any of the actual human characters that we meet.

Verdict...
If it was all Wall-E and EVE, it would be guaranteed two thumbs up and every word of praise I could give it. If it was all human, it would get one thumb, and a few words on the heavy-handed green message.

The film sits somewhere in between, but I sway higher because of everything it tried to do.

The Dark Knight

What's it all about?
Batman and new DA Harvey Dent are working to clean the streets of Gotham City; one with the law and the other with gadgets and fighting.

The Joker wants the world to see that the world is like him, and starts a crime spree in a bid to reveal that Batman is just like him.

Awesomeness follows.

Looks Like...
Whilst 'Batman Begins' relied on darkness and shadow, more of this film is set during the day. This time around it is penthouses and warehouses and police stations that set the scene, and yet just as frightening.

The Joker is there, standing out in the daylight and yet always one step ahead of the good guys. There is nothing hidden with this guy, and that is itself is a little creepy.

The film also plays very little with CGI, especially for a comic book film (<-- This is the one and only time I will use this term to describe the film. Sure, it is one, but it is SO much more). We're dealing with real people, in almost everyday circumstances, instead of watch a virtual Batman leaping off a virtual building into the pixelated Gotham night. And for this I salute the film.

Sounds Like...
In a bid to distance itself from the previous franchise, the actual Batman theme is played very little. This Batman doesn't have a theme song, or anything as comforting as that. Instead we get haunting songs, subtly reinforcing the action.

Also, Batman's voice seemed a whole lot less comically deep this time around. Or maybe I'd just got used to it.

Tastes Like...
Sweet vengeance.

Feels Like...
I expected a lot from this film, there is no denying that. Christopher Nolan is one of my favorite directors (along with Bryan Singer and Joss Whedon). In my opinion, he has never made a bad film and he made the ONLY decent Batman film. So yeah, the sequel had to be something I've never seen before, something amazing. He had to pull something amazing out of his bag of tricks.
And he did. And more.

Everything I was expecting this film to be, it exceeded.

I'd expected Heath Ledger to be the wild card casting choice and play the Joker in a much more sinister way than Jack Nicholson ever did. What the film delivered was the performance of the year so far, with Ledger playing the role so well that I forgot it was ever him.

Instead, he WAS the Joker, chaotic and intelligent and chillingly confident. It was all in the little nuances: the licking of the lips, the tidying of the hair, that smile. From the moment he enters and pulls his 'Magic disappearing pencil' trick, he was screen gold.

I expected Christian Bale to be good, since he always is, but he plays the two roles of Batman and Bruce Wayne superbly. When costumed-up, he gets to be all noble and heroic, and as Bruce Wayne he is expertly sleazy. Best Batman ever.

Aaron Eckhart is the anti-Bruce Wayne (He's the white knight to Batman's dark knight. Geddit?), and is suitably noble. And when the inevitable happens (And it IS inevitable, even for those who don't know the mythos!) Eckhart's performance means that the change makes sense, even earning him a little sympathy.

The rest of the cast are all acting at the top of their game, with special mention going to Gary Oldman as (the eventual) Commissioner Gordon. In any other film, they'd be praised highly, but here they are over-shadowed by Bale, Ledger and Eckhart.

The story is complex and lined with themes throughout. 'Batman Begins' was about fear. This is about good and evil, dark and light, order and chaos and the duel nature of everyone. There's Batman and Bruce Wayne, different sides to the same man. There's the Joker and the police, chaos and order battling for the streets of Gotham.

And then there is Two-Face, the kick in the teeth if you haven't been getting the themes for the first two hours of the film. You can think of Harvey Dent's coin as the object that sums the film up; everyone has two sides.

And yet these themes never get in the way. I can describe them now only because I've thought back at what was being said, analysed what I was shown. In the cinema though, I was enjoying every minute. And this is rare for me, as I tend to pick the film apart whether I like to or not. It's a flaw.

But on this day, for this film, I was engrossed. Absolutely captivated. And there is no higher compliment from me.

Yet, I feel obliged to pick a flaw, just one thing that stops this film being perfect. A lot of people have claimed that the film is too long, which it could easily be said to be. Yet, to shorten it would mean getting rid of a scene, or a moment, and that is something I would ever want them to do.

So for me the flaw was Rachel Dawes, the love interest. Whilst I think Maggie Gyllenhaal's portrayal was great, and a marked improvement on Katie Holmes is, I just didn't feel she was in the film enough. Sure, neither were Micheal Caine or Morgan Freeman, but Rachel played an important role in many of the main character's fates that she needed to be there more.

But it's a small point, and one everyone should overlook.

Because I cannot say enough good things about this film. Without raiding a thesaurus, I'm lost for words. It's just really, really good.

Verdict...
It is dark and gripping and smart and awesome. Whilst I'm not at all original for saying this, 'The Dark Knight' is, and will probably remain, the best film of the year.

R.I.P. Jessica

My laptop has died.

With it goes the blogs I was working on, as well as thirty-odd pages of script. Never to be seen again.

However, luckily, some of my latest blog remains. Whilst it won't be up today, I'll finish it soon.

Promise.

:D

http://hazzard7.deviantart.com/art/Grave-53155673

Mamma Mia!

What's it all about?
Some girl (She was on 'House' once) is getting married and decides to invite three men who might be her father to the wedding.

James Bond, Mr. Darcy and Orlando Bloom's dad promptly turn up, only for her to figure out that without extensive DNA testing, she has no idea which one her real father is.

So she sings ABBA songs.

Looks Like...
A really sunny Greek holiday. It's all very bright and sunny, an image of what the world would look like if ABBA ruled it.

Seriously, the "run-down" hotel has a magnificent courtyard, the sea is crystal clear and even the servants dance around and smile ALL the time. The boys run around topless, to show off their fabulous beach bodies. Sadly, the girls don't.

Sounds Like...
ABBA songs. Lots and lots of ABBA songs. So if you are a huge fan of ABBA, go you! See the film, sing along, enjoy yourself. If, however, you don't particularly care for them, you may find it a little grating.

The songs don't always match. Unlike a traditional musical, in which the songs are written for the story, this story is written for the music. So you'll often find that maybe one or two lines in the song are relevant, whilst the others sit out of place, or kinda, sorta work if you think about it really hard and abstractly.

Also, ABBA wrote these songs over several years and each song reflects the mood they were in at the time. So whilst they might have been melancholy writing 'Money Money Money' for example, they could quite easily me happy whilst writing 'Mamma Mia', something they could have done days, weeks, months afterwards.

In the film however, if you have the two songs playing one after the other, you must somehow create a story device that has the character in the right mood for the song. Usually in about five minutes. This just leaves the characters switching emotions like some freak combination of a menopausal, pregnant woman hitting puberty.

And this would all be excusable if the cast could sing. Unfortunately, that's asking too much of them. They can screech horribly, and dance a merry jig, but it all falls down when they open their mouths.

Meryl Streep can hold a tune, sure. But it's in the same way as that girl whose family tells her how much they like her singing, who'll only have her heart broken when she auditions for X-factor (Or American Idol) and doesn't even get through to see the judges because she is neither phenomenal, nor bad enough for a nation of TV viewers to mock. She's just meh.

Piece Brosnan is terrible, but at least he provides entertainment with the faces that he pulls. Julie Walters sounds like a tyre screech and everyone else either doesn't get a chance to sing, is pleasantly average, or is a Greek peasant who, judging by their acting performances, are all trained singers.

Tastes Like...
Sickly sweet, with a hint of cheese.

Feels Like...
The overriding feeling I got from this film was embarrassment. You remember at that New Years party that one year, when your mum, your aunt and your granny all got REALLY drunk, put on an ABBA song, climbed on a table, and proceeded to screech vaguely in tune whilst swaying side-to-side in what they must have considered a dance? Well, this film feels like that, magnified by a hundred and set on a Greek island.

Whenever the film gets round to telling more of the story, an interesting premise is turned predictable and people expositionalize like they've all had their 'subtext' buttons switched off.

The young couple argue in every scene they're in, making it hard to believe that they were ever in love. The girls screech too much and the boys can't sing. It is all too perfect enough to make it horribly cheesy.

And you know what?

Everything I've said above completely misses the point of this film. It isn't going to win any Oscars, but it was never made to do that. I'd argue that it wasn't even made to be a film. It was made to be an experience.

It was made so that our older generation have a reason to visit the cinema. They can go and enjoy the ABBA music, Meryl Streep and Colin Firth with his top off, because these are all things that older people like (It's been researched and everything).

They're not after a complicated plot line, or the best acting in the world. They just want to go out and enjoy the show and the music.

And it's not ALL bad. The potential dads pull some pretty funny material out of the bag when necessary, as do the older women when they aren't screeching loudly. The songs are never bad and the storyline works in a workmanlike way. Sure, you can figure out where everyone will be at the climax (Except for Colin Firth, who's ending came out of nowhere!) but you can enjoy the journey getting there.

It wasn't my kind of film. I like being a film student and having things to mull over and analyse. But I can't hold that against it.

Verdict...
Simplistic, but fun if you like that sort of thing.

Now, and in the Near Future

This is a warning, in a way, and just a notice. For the next who-knows-how-many (It's a number, look it up) days I'll be posting film reviews.

This is partly because I've been seeing a ton of new films recently and haven't spoken about them in any kind of formal setting. Sure, this isn't all that formal, but it's all I have!

The other part-reason is that my step-brother has been kind enough to get me the pictures I wanted for a rating system. They're on the left. Looky, looky (I've got Hooky (<--Well done to all those that get THAT reference. There is cake waiting for you somewhere.))

I did want an extra picture for 'higher than two thumbs up', but it still may happen so I won't ruin it here.

Anyway, if you don't like movie reviews, don't come here for a while. We don't want your kind here!

:D

http://b-smitty.deviantart.com/art/I-heart-movies-30943429

Thirty-Eight Secrets About Yourself (Which Aren't Really Secrets)

Yes, I AM this bored

[one] What is your natural hair colour? Exactly what you see.
[two] Where was your profile picture taken? On a train heading to Reading for a friend's birthday. The costume was 'Spiderman on Holiday'.
[three] What’s your middle name? Eric
[four] Your current relationship status? Odd
[five] Does your crush like you back? I'd like to think so.
[six] No question!!!!! Yes, correct. There IS no question.
[seven] What colour underwear are you wearing? Grey and black.
[eight] What makes you happy? The majority of things. I'm easily entertained
[nine] What colour are your mittens? Invisible and pink.
[ten] If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be? I've seen 'Back to the Future' enough times to know not to change ANYTHING!
[eleven] If you must be an αnimαl for one day, what would you be? A monkey in a safari park.
[twelve] Ever had α near deαth experience? Nope
[thirteen] Something you do α lot? Think too much.
[fourteen] What’s the name of the song stuck in your head right now? I have no song stuck in my head. I've got music outside my head which negates the need for inner music.
[fifteen] Who did you copy and paste this from? Mike.
[sixteen] Name someone with the same birthday as you? Dr Cox's child in Scrubs.
[seventeen] When wαs the last time you cried? Long ago, in the mists of time. I can't even remember. Almost cried at Wall-E though.
[eighteen] Have you ever sung in front of α lαrge audience? Yes, and I lost a shoe doing so. Long story.
[nineteen] If you could have one super power what would it be? Self-healing. Life would just be more fun without the fear of death.
[twenty] What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Whichever part is most notable. I won't lie and say that the bum is never the first thing I notice.
[twenty-one] What do you usually order from stαrbucks? The only thing I think I have ever ordered from Starbucks is a strawberry and cream ice drink thing. It was tasty.
[twenty-two] Whαt’s your biggest secret? It involves a lot of alcohol and someone that looked quite a lot like a girl.
[twenty-three] Favourite colour? Yellow.
[twenty-four] When was the last time you lied? Question 22
[twenty-five] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv show? Pretty much exclusively.
[twenty-six] What αre you eαting or drinking αt the moment? I've eaten cereal whilst typing this, but have finished by this stage.
[twenty-seven] Do you speαk αny other lαnguαge? Pig Latin.
[twenty-eight] Whαt’s your fαvorite smell? Freshly baked bread. Or freshly washed hair.
[twenty-nine] If you could describe your life in one word whαt would it be? Incomplete
[thirty] When wαs the lαst time you gαve/received α hug? Yesterday morning.
[thirty-one] Hαve you ever been kissed in the rαin? No. But I have kissed in a swimming pool shower, which kinda replicates the experience. Also kissed underwater, which is more odd than good.
[thirty-two] Whαt αre you thinking αbout right now? "I really want to kiss in the rain now"
[thirty-three] Whαt should you be doing? Writing my script. Or showering before people come round.
[thirty-four] Whαt wαs the lαst thing thαt mαde you upset/αngry? Haven't been upset or angry for a while now. Perhaps the knowledge that 'Mamma Mia' beat 'Wall-E' in the box-office upset me a little, but not enough to count.
[thirty-six] Do you like working in the yαrd? I like watering plants!
[thirty-seven] If you could hαve αny lαst nαme in the world, whαt would it be? Wouldn't change. Does that make me boring?
[thirty-eight] Do you αct differently αround your crush? I act differently around all sorts of people, why would my crush be different. I don't act falsely though.

:D

Writing Doodles

I’m currently on a roll with my scriptwriting, something that in my current climate is nothing short of a miracle. I’m writing scenes and I know where it is all going and what people are going to say and who is going to die.

And yet, a blog is due.

Not wanting to break from this good feeling towards my script, I doodled (in a writing kinda way) a few short pieces based on the main characters in the script.

They don’t give much away about who these people are, except maybe their chief conflict. But they allowed me to explore the characters a little in a different form, and I’m not wasting my time writing about non-script related things. Apart from these last paragraphs.

I’ll pretend they never happened if you do.

* * *

He opens the fridge and knows what he will see. Water in a glass, chilled for weeks. He left it there to remind him of her. He left it there because he felt that that if he poured it away, threw away the glass, she’d be gone forever. He couldn’t bare that. He’d never tell anyone, but he couldn’t bare it.

Compared to this, saving the world is easy.

* * *

She wakes from nightmares. She’d be sweating if she could. She touches her lips gently and realizes that she has bitten her lip in her sleep again. The blood tastes sweet on her tongue, warm and thick.

A remnant of the dream passes through her mind. She is hunting something. Possibly someone. It is scared, whatever it is. She can feel its fear and hear it panting up ahead. She leaps into the darkness, but the dreamt memory ends and she never knows if she catches her prey.

She slips out of bed, nightie blowing gently around her waist thanks to her lofty bedroom. She doesn’t feel the cold. She never feels it.

The fridge light illuminates the room when she opens it. Inside she removes a bottle. The label proclaims milkshake, but she knows the what it really contains. She hides the truth because maybe if she pretends hard enough, it won’t be true.

She shakes the bottle before opening it, to work the clots out of the blood. It tastes different to her own, staler and bitter. She winces at the taste.

But she has to feed the hunger. She must always feel the hunger.

* * *

His hands were magic. They worked miracles with machines. His fingers danced between circuits and screws, tighten bits and connecting others. It came naturally. His mind was two steps ahead of his body, so he knew everything that he had done, what he was doing and everything he would do.

No-one would disturb him down here, in his own private laboratory. There were signs and people knew. They knew that noise distracted him. They knew he was irritable. They knew that he knew thousands of different ways to torture them.

He smiled at this thought. He’d never hurt someone, but equally, he’d never tell them that. The human mind is a wonderful thing. A perceived threat is just as good as an actual one. He was the fly that looked like a wasp. It was his nature.

And yet, curiously, he felt alone. The room was big, and he was small. Simple physics, he thought. But he knew it was more.

All he needed was a ‘well done’, he thought, but knew he needed a hug. Just simple recognition, he told himself, when he really needed a companion. Anybody really, just to be interested.

His father couldn’t; too busy on fundraisers and business meetings.

Maybe a robot, he considered, knowing that no amount of circuits or computers would keep him happy.

* * *

He didn’t know it yet, but Lily knew that he’d break up with her. In three minutes, she figured. She still hadn’t got the hang of the whole ‘seeing the future’ thing.

So she watched. She watched his subtle hand movements that built a wall between the two of them. She watched how he could never meet her eyes. She watched as he only ate one, half-hearted bite of his pasta.

Boy, she didn’t even need to see the future to see what was coming.

She couldn’t sit any longer. She couldn’t wait for him to break it off. Why give him that satisfaction?

“I think we should call this whole thing to an end”

And with that, she was gone. She had to move quickly; she knew what would happen.

You can’t change timelines without consequences. She’d learnt that, on too many occasions. And she couldn’t let people see. They’d think her a freak.

She was one, but she didn’t want people to know that.

In an alley, behind the restaurant, she fell apart. The world span, her legs buckled and thousands of timelines played over in her head. It hurt a lot. Less than the first time, but enough to make her scream out in pain.

People probably heard her, but no-one would come and help. Not in this city. Not for a freak.

:)

From Graduation to Bankruptcy (In Three Easy Steps)

Step One – Graduate
This bit is the real easy bit. You turn up to the University. It’ll be done up all fancy, with banners wishing the class of 2008 (Or whichever year you graduate) a happy graduation.

You’ll pay outrageous amounts for parking and queue to get your cape and hat that you have already paid outrageous amounts for. You’ll look spiffing by the way.

Get your photo taken, say your hellos and do all that, because pretty soon you’ll be heading inside for the ceremony.

This will consist of people that you have never heard of speaking about a University which, chances are, you are leaving anyway. Then you’ll wait patiently through a list of names, most of which you will not recognize, to hear them say your name, which you already know.

Then you’ll walk on stage, shake hands with a stranger, and receive your degree, which isn’t in scroll form like most media would have you believe.

But then there will be cake.

And this is the best bit. Because it is over now. You can throw your hat in the air, and drink free champagne, and hug people who you’ll never see again, and have billions of photos taken.

Then you’ll change into your civvies (To steal an army term) and party the night away in Leeds (Or, you know, wherever you graduate). You’ll drink till you can’t remember the people you are with, which is a good thing because this will be the last time you see them.

Then cry yourself to sleep.

Step Two – Procrastinate
Need a job? Find one tomorrow.
Should write that script? A sentence will do.
Need to shower? You’re alone. Stinky is fine.
Hungry? Food is for wimps!

Step Three – Bankrupt(ate)
At this stage, if you have successfully completed the last two steps correctly then you will find that this step comes naturally.

It is nature that a fool and his money is parted.

To put it another, less cliché way, if you have no job, lounge around the house all day, and still decide that pub and cinema trips are good investments, you will run out of money.

It’s science.

If you would like to avoid this step, get a job, fool! Or kid yourself that you’ll find one at a TV festival at the end of the month.

At least that’s what I’m doing.

:P

PS: I’m not as bitter as this makes out. Imagine tongue firmly in cheek throughout.

Free Toy Inside

I had the bowl out, and the milk. I get the spoon out last usually, because it is at the other end of the kitchen and I'm lazy like that in the morning.

But as I'm pouring out the cereal, a prize drops into my bowl, wrapped in plastic. It isn't a toy, or in anyway connected to a film that has recently been released, like these prizes so often are. It is just a cereal bar, made from chocolate and raspberry.

But I swear, I've haven't felt so much like a kid for a long time. I was giddy. Seriously.

I think I'm going to go play with some Lego.

:P

http://dearsecret.deviantart.com/art/Cereal-71777645

Wedding, Thoughts and Opinions on a

All the hassle and stress of getting to the church, of finding a place to park, of dressing up nice with a tie and super-smart shoes, of meeting family that you haven’t seen in years or people who you haven’t met ever, of standing in the rain and of sitting on a hard wooden bench are forgotten when the music plays and the bride walks down the aisle in a stunning white dress.

Seriously, why stress when people look that pretty?

* * *

Being in a church and dealing with religion for the first time in a long time, I am struck with two thoughts.

Half of me is admiring the beauty of it all. They’ve really got that stained glass technique down.

The other half is despairing at the maddening nature of religion to give all credit to a god, that may or may not exist.

In the opinion of the priest, god wanted to show that he loved the bride, so he introduced her to the groom. Then, because he wanted to show his love for the groom, he introduced her to the bride.

Now, as nice a romantic notion that story is, it totally negates the first date, the nerves of the first kiss, the little gifts and the ‘I love you’, the hugs, the tears, meeting the friends and meeting the parents, and the proposal; all of which are infinitely more complicated and therefore mean so much more in the grand romance scheme.

Why would two people want to give someone else credit for the love that they show each other?

* * *

Also, the priest looked like Stephen Fry, if his face had melted a little bit.

* * *

A good way to sing hymns and pray, whilst simultaneously not taking part in the religious aspects, is to replace the words ‘God’, ‘Jesus’, and ‘Lord’ with ‘Chuck Norris’. Works wonders, I tell ya!

Also, everything still seems to make sense.

* * *

Advantage of a four-star hotel: The comfiest bed in the world!
Disadvantage of a four-star hotel: Pint of cider for £3.10.

Advantage of a four-star hotel: Gorgeous food and plenty of it.
Disadvantage of a four-star hotel: Pint of cider for £3.10!

Advantage of a four-star hotel: Friendly (if a little camp) staff that even manage to smile in the early hours of the morning.
Disadvantage of a four-star hotel: Seriously, a pint of cider was £3.10!

Advantage of not having a job: I didn’t pay for a single pint.

* * *

What is the chief bridesmaid’s job again? You know, beyond trying not to look prettier than the bride.

* * *

Tip for anybody getting married: Hire a Master of Ceremonies who gradually changes into camper and camper costumes over the course of the night. Not only is this entertaining to watch, but it also annoys the homophobic amongst the wedding party.

If anyone cares, he ended the night in a skimpy dress.

* * *

But my final thought on the weddings is this: only one thing matters. You can get rid the disco and the fancy food, the high priced alcohol and the pretty clothes, the speeches and the religion, and even the guests. It can rain or snow, thunder and lightning or shine in a sunny way.

As long as you are standing next to the person you love and you get to say two very important words, than it’s all worth it. The kiss is just the icing on the cake (Yeah, you don’t need a wedding cake either)

At least in my opinion.

:D

Excuses Excuses

Just two posts ago I was here, promising a more regular schedule to this blog. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I said. I crossed my heart and swore on people’s lives.

But we are now a in a different month and I’ve only written one post, right at the beginning of this new leaf. Rubbish, you say. But let me explain.

First I was ill. Not just a cold, or just feeling a little bit down. This was a full-on fever. This was a throwing up, achy, goosebumpy fever, sweaty, hot kiss illness. The kind of thing that you cure by wrapping yourself in bed or on the sofa, watch loads of comforting television and drink flat, sugary drinks. Cuddles help too.

Writing anything, or even simple thinking, would NOT have been beneficial and so the blog was left to grow weeds.

Then, as my body fought its way back to health, I was packed into a car and driven to Leeds for my graduation. Now there’s a blog to write about the whole adventure, and I don’t have the time now, but it basically involved wearing a funny hat (One of my favourite activities) and waiting eagerly to here my name being called.

Once back in the comforts of home, and after having the pure unadulterated pleasure of seeing ‘The Dark Knight’ (More on that later), I was drafted to work in the garden. Digging in the hot, hot heat of a British summer doesn’t lead to writing, and neither does cuddling up to watch TV, which is how I spent the evening. I know that this time could have been spent writing but screw it. I’d worked ALL day (read: a couple of hours)!

Now I’m sat here, in a hotel room in Preston and dressed to the nines (A shirt). In about five minutes I’ll be off to a wedding and once again I won’t have time to write. Except to, well, explain why I’m not writing.

But I swear, come Monday, there will be a new blog. Seriously. I promise.

:D

http://ducksxsayxmoo.deviantart.com/art/what-s-your-excuse-35026520