From Graduation to Bankruptcy (In Three Easy Steps)

Step One – Graduate
This bit is the real easy bit. You turn up to the University. It’ll be done up all fancy, with banners wishing the class of 2008 (Or whichever year you graduate) a happy graduation.

You’ll pay outrageous amounts for parking and queue to get your cape and hat that you have already paid outrageous amounts for. You’ll look spiffing by the way.

Get your photo taken, say your hellos and do all that, because pretty soon you’ll be heading inside for the ceremony.

This will consist of people that you have never heard of speaking about a University which, chances are, you are leaving anyway. Then you’ll wait patiently through a list of names, most of which you will not recognize, to hear them say your name, which you already know.

Then you’ll walk on stage, shake hands with a stranger, and receive your degree, which isn’t in scroll form like most media would have you believe.

But then there will be cake.

And this is the best bit. Because it is over now. You can throw your hat in the air, and drink free champagne, and hug people who you’ll never see again, and have billions of photos taken.

Then you’ll change into your civvies (To steal an army term) and party the night away in Leeds (Or, you know, wherever you graduate). You’ll drink till you can’t remember the people you are with, which is a good thing because this will be the last time you see them.

Then cry yourself to sleep.

Step Two – Procrastinate
Need a job? Find one tomorrow.
Should write that script? A sentence will do.
Need to shower? You’re alone. Stinky is fine.
Hungry? Food is for wimps!

Step Three – Bankrupt(ate)
At this stage, if you have successfully completed the last two steps correctly then you will find that this step comes naturally.

It is nature that a fool and his money is parted.

To put it another, less cliché way, if you have no job, lounge around the house all day, and still decide that pub and cinema trips are good investments, you will run out of money.

It’s science.

If you would like to avoid this step, get a job, fool! Or kid yourself that you’ll find one at a TV festival at the end of the month.

At least that’s what I’m doing.

:P

PS: I’m not as bitter as this makes out. Imagine tongue firmly in cheek throughout.