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The Facebook-Literate Parent
Facebook is a world for the young. Just type a random name into the search engine and study the legions of faces that it presents you with. All young right? All around twenty and all probably out in a club, slightly drunk and with their arm around someone else.
They are the type of pictures that imply this person is fun, they like to go out and they have lots of friends. What we really don't know is that the picture was taken several years ago when someone was drunk enough to even touch them.
But, every so often, someone beyond twenty-five feels the urge to join the facebook community. And, although even rarer, occasionally that person is a parent. So who else would they choose to add as their 'friend'? Their son/daughter of course.
The problem exists when you are the son or daughter in question. The day when you log into your account and find that there is a friend request waiting from mother/father is a very troubling day indeed. You are left in a perilous situation.
The rock, in the whole rock/hard place metaphor, is not accepting your parent as one of your posse. You click 'ignore' and think that the whole situation is dealt with. But the next time you speak to them, they casually bring it up. They haven't quite grasped the whole facebook thing, and just think you haven't checked it in a while. They tell you that they 'added' you, without knowing what it really means. They want to know why you haven't appeared on their friend list.
Now, unless you have a very honest parent/child relationship, you can't tell them that the reason you didn't add them is because ninety per cent of the photos you have been tagged in involve you in compromising positions. The only decent one is currently your profile picture and that will have to change soon.
And herein lies the hard place. If you do add them, they are privy to anything and everything that you are doing in your life. Change you status to "[Your name here] is feeling hungover" and your parent will know that you spent last night drinking yourself into oblivion instead of studying for that important exam next week. Heaven forbid they see that photo of you passed out on a sofa or that your interests involve sex, drugs and rock and roll.
Whichever option you choose, you are in for a frightful few weeks, months or years. And there is only one solution. Sadly, that solution will be difficult for you to implement unless you are competent with programming code.
However, on the off chance you are, here is the way to solve the dilemma. What we all need is an application that creates a shell around your profile, a decoy one. The real one can remain true and candid, but the fake one will make you out to be a saint.
Your interests will involve bible reading, helping old ladies across the road and baking. Your status will be things like "is loving life" or "is picnicking with non-junkie friends". The profile picture will be well lit and will depict you as a saint, reading "The Hungry Caterpillar" to small children.
So when someone adds you, the application will give you the option of the profile you would like them to see. Therefore, if your father or your mother decides that they want to join the new facebook phase, they'll never know the devil that lurks behind the bright, puppy dog eyes that you flash at them whenever you're home for Christmas.
:D
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