Procrastination Explained

OK, so I'm in a room. It's a large room, perhaps a hall of some kind. It would echo if you shout.

I'm standing in the middle of this large room and all around me are people holding cardboard signs. On each of the signs is a job that I am meant to be doing. Hiring make-up people, e-mail this person, write this essay, etc. And they surround me, these people.

When I look at one of them, to see what job I'm meant to be doing, all the other guys shout at me and wave their signs and say "Hey! Look at me! I'm more important than him! Do me next! I'm important!".

But as soon as I turn to look at one of these other people, the rest keep shouting. "If you don't do me you'll die/lose a limb/only come third in the Justin Timberlake lookalike competition! Don't look at him!"

Just on the outside of the circle is a beautiful leggy girl, all sex on high heels. She doesn't have a sign. She doesn't need one. She's got that cartoony perfume on, the type that lures you to her with a pink wispy gesturing hand.

She's smiling at me and with her eyes she is saying "Ignore those crazy men with their signs and their urgency. Come with me and we'll frolic in the moonlight and eat striped candies in a beautiful green field. Come with me."

And I do really want to go with the pretty lady because she is very pretty and she isn't shouting at me. But in the back of my mind I know that if I do, she won't turn out to be a pretty lady at all, but some kind of lizard/spider hybrid.

She'll inject me with a sedative and lay her lizard/spider eggs inside me. They hatch and devour me, before moving on to become beautiful sirens in their own right and luring other men to their doom.

So, instead, I've got to stand in the centre of the crazy sign people and slowly work my way through them, solving their problems one at a time and trying really hard to ignore their shouting and their rants.

And the pretty lady mocks me with her beauty and her striped candies.

That is how I feel right now.

:(