“Yeah, That Guy Did Really Well In That Sport Thing With The Ball And The Players And Stuff”

During a meal (a forth in celebration of my birthday) the conversation turned to sports, as conversations occasionally do.

“Did you hear that What’s-His-Face has been sold to That-Team? He’s bound to do them proud” is pretty much what was said. Then someone across the table probably said “Yeah, he’s a miracle with a ball and his feet are so awesomely feet-like” and people will nod their heads like they understand, and the second speaker will look smug because they have made a ‘good point’.

Let me say right now, I don’t have a clue what you are talking about! This may not be particularly true though. I understand that What’s-His Face plays football and that yes, he does have feet. Yet, I fail to see the importance of his moving somewhere else or the importance of him in general. He plays a sport!

I’m not a complete sport-snob. I will quite happily sit down in front of a football, rugby or (on very rare occasions) cricket match when my country is playing. I can understand the nuances of a good football team, how the ball seems to never leave their feet. I admire rugby players and the way they all move as if part of a single organism.

I will hang on every move or pass or shot, and I will feel elated when we win or devastated when we lose.

I even support a football team. Only I feel that I’m letting them down because if someone comes to me and says “Liverpool lost last night” I can barely muster a frown. I just don’t care enough.

This apathy, in any other areas, would usually be fine. But unfortunately ‘m apathetic towards sport and I was born a boy. Because in our society, boys who don’t know each other talk about sport.

I can understand that, because it’s the safe bet. You can ask “Who do you support?” and if the strange boy agrees you have common ground and if they disagree you can carefully joke about how rubbish their team is and feel like old drinking buddies. A whole bunch safer than trying to find common ground with religion or opinions on abortion.

I can do the first bit. I support Liverpool, as briefly mentioned above. It is on the follow-up questions I get stuck.

“What do you think of their new signing?”
“Who’s that?”
“Joe Footballer.”
“Never heard of him”
“What about that goal at the weekend? That was awesome.”
“Yeah. It was.”
“You didn’t see it did you?”
“No. Sorry.”
“You don’t really support Liverpool do you?”

But I do, in an odd, non-caring way. I just gain no joy from keeping up with the latest transfers and watching every match my team play. It sometimes seems that people must have spent hours finding things out to quote the knowledge they often quote during these conversations.

I’ve managed to go unnoticed by just being very vague when discussing things of this sort. Some good phrases for anyone in the same boat to learn are “Yeah, that was a good goal. I can’t believe it went in.” or “Yeah they lost, but they weren’t really playing as a team.” Works every time.

But look, talk to me about films or television. Talk to me about music. Hell, talk to me about the upcoming American election, or whether you believe that Jesus is your savior or how you think we could solve the problem of global warning. Hell, as long as you come to the table with an open-mind, we can connect that way.

Just because I’m a boy doesn’t mean I like sport. So I’m left, out for a meal, nodding my head and making agreeable noises instead. I use one of my stock phrases: “I can’t believe his old team got rid of What’s-His-Face.”

Now perhaps if I nod hard enough I’ll look like I care and I can be one of the lads.

:D

PS. A thought has just occurred to me; Perhaps this is why I’m friends with more girls than boys.

http://neko-mreow.deviantart.com/art/Soccer-Rabbit-63874698