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Today, Miss Emma Sansom turned twenty-one and joined many of us in the world of proper adulthood. How did she celebrate growing up? By watching ‘Horton Hears a Who’, listening to Disney songs and playing card games down the pub. But let us leave aside her desperate attempts to cling to her youth for now, because that is not what this is about.
Knowing Emma and her narcissistic nature, I figure that some glowing piece of well-written prose would be a good substitute for a real present (Of which I also got her). Shame she’ll just have to settle with poorly-written prose.
What follows are twenty-one nice (possibly false) things about Emma:
1. Emma is, technically, my oldest friend. In fact we ‘dated’ way back when we were ten, if your definition of dating involves holding hands and slow dancing at school discos.
2. Whenever I forgot my maths book, Emma was always there to lend me hers.
3. Emma once came back from the pub, just to pick me up. Now that’s friendship!
4. Emma is one of a rare breed of people that I don’t think I could ever run out of conversations with. I’ve always stated that the best thing to have in a friend is someone who you can stay up late talking with, and we’ve made ourselves incredibly tired too many times doing that.
5. Emma is possibly my only friend that has a chance of becoming a doctor.
6. Emma is unoffendable. Trust me, I keep trying.
7. Like me, Emma accepts anyone and everyone into her life, but is fairly elitist in her judgments of them. It’s fun to sit in front of morning TV and judge people with her, in the knowledge that no matter how harsh I am, she’ll always be harsher.
8. Emma is a fellow Bracknell escapee, with a (mostly) complete mastery of the English language.
9. Emma teaches me girl stuff, although I’m still nowhere near understanding them.
10. Emma likes cool words.
11. Although this will be a negative point on every other day, Emma has no strong tastes towards music or film. Whilst I don’t agree with the lack of passion most of the time, it is refreshing to know someone who doesn’t define themselves by their taste in things.
12. Emma understands the difference between ‘bitching’ and ‘deconstruction of a friend’s flaws’.
13. Emma can cook an awesome soufflé.
14. Emma manages the contradictory feat of being both a responsible adult and stupidly childish.
15. Emma once stabbed Charlotte Seaman with a pen. If you knew Charlotte, you’d understand why this was a good thing.
16. Emma finds drunken texts funny, and not highly embarrassing like they usually are.
17. Emma smells (Sorry. Habit.)
18. Emma’s drunken antics provide much entertainment and anecdotes. The cooler thing is that she can never remember them.
19. Emma, in a time before my laptop, would happily upload some blogs for me whilst I was trapped at work. She even wrote a couple.
20. Emma is a girl, fundamentally better than being a boy.
21. Emma is twenty-one today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA!
:D
PS. I’m fairly sure I’ve written the word ‘Emma’ enough times to last the coming year. No more, I say!
PPS. So Emma, you see why I couldn’t tell you what this was going to be about?
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