...On Blogging

Look how I've used a picture of this very blog, on a post for this blog. How gloriously post-modern of me. For that little extra pretension:

Main Entry: blog
Definition: an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page; also called Weblog, Web log
Example: Typically updated daily, blogs often reflect the personality of the author.
Usage: blog, blogged, blogging v, blogger n

I forget why I started this thing in the first place. Not this post, for that wouldn't bode well for the state of my memory, but this blog: Life (and Sandwiches).

Curiously enough, however, I can remember why I started my last one, entitled 'Not Quite Cool'. It was that old deadly sin: envy.

At a friend's, I watched as he showed me his MSN space, his blog. It had his name in the corner, and posts he had written. People, strangers, would read it and leave comments like "That was funny! Be my friend." And suddenly I wanted that too. I wanted my name in a corner and to write stuff onto the Internet. I wanted people to think I was funny and to want to be my friend.

So, after several false starts (Just how do you introduce yourself to the world?), Not Quite Cool began with a story questioning the existence of tomatoes. Written mediocrity continued.

The initial friend's blog soon became another dropped habit, but mine somehow prevailed. I made some friends (Well, one) and wrote about parties, adventures, and my love of sandwiches (Some things never change). I did make myself laugh a couple of times, when I re-read it three years later. I was also plagiarized, which was kinda a very back-handed compliment.

The blog chronicles a year of my life, perhaps slightly longer. But it ended and I feel there are a couple of reasons why.

Starting University was the main one. There I was, being thrust into a new world with strange people and exciting events, stuff that would make interesting entries, but I never had the time. I would rather be meeting the people and taking part in the events than writing about them.

You can read through my blog and see how, when University began, the entries get further and further apart. They also all begin with "Sorry I haven't blogged in a while...." But the question was, who was I apologising to? This was reason number two.

At this stage I wasn't writing for myself any more. The thrill of having my name in the corner or presenting the world wide web with my musings was gone and instead I was writing because people kept asking when the next post would be up.

And, of course, because I wasn't writing for myself anymore, the resulting blogs became self indulgent and poorly written. Which led to me being disappointed with the results and wanting to write less. This cycle led to the eventual end of 'Not Quite Cool', on a pretty note I must say. It remains on the Internet (Just to the left of this page) as a year long diary of my life and a reminder of how much my writing has progressed.

But, like I said before, I can not remember why I started blogging again. I know that Facebook offered me the option to dip my feet with one-off "notes". I also started a blog in which I listed everything I did during the day, as an experiment, but I reached the conclusion that not even I cared enough about what I was doing. I did discover that we forget a whole bunch of tiny details during the day though.

I feel that the creation of this site lies in a combination of boredom, a new year and the need to see my name in the corner again. I also felt like I had been neglecting my writing, so the best way to stay exercised was to own my own virtual jotting pad.

I set rules, as every world need rules. Through the coming months, more rules seemed to sprout up but I'll deal with these a bit later.

The first rule, in memory of the last blog, was to write what I wanted to write and because I wanted to write. The reasons are obvious, and I promised myself that if it was no longer fun, I'd stop. After all, what would be the point?

Second rule: write well. Obviously what I write about and my opinions are purely subjective and down to personal taste. But I never wanted my blog to fall from the mantle of good spelling and grammar. I also wanted to try different forms of writing and you will often see posts change from first, second and third person perspectives. If I'm going to gain anything from this, I need to push my writing skills further and further.

Lastly, I didn't want to become self-indulgent. As much as possible I wanted to avoid writing about what has happened in my day. I read way too many blogs in which the author details everything they have done during the day, what their friends said, and what the latest gossip is.

It's down to personal taste, but to me this is BORING! The fact of the matter is that whatever you do in your day, millions of someone elses have done it before you. The idea of presenting everyone who has the Internet with the mundane moments in your life seems ridiculous. No-one cares that your sister stole your toothbrush. And they really don't want to see photos of your new baby.

Opinions are interesting and the few times that I've broken my own rule I've tried to offer them instead of just simple facts. It is better to know how your sister stealing your toothbrush made you feel than to simply know it happened.

I also try to avoid in-jokes, things that only make sense or are only funny to me and my friends.
Whilst I have broken this rule a few times, it is mostly as a gift to someone else. There are also hidden jokes that even if you don't know the meaning of them, still make sense. I like them. They make people feel special.

Over the few months this has been running, other rules have started appearing. I haven't sworn yet, for example. Not because I have something against swearing, I believe it is a fun and healthy pastime, but just because I can usually find words that work better than swearing. I'd also like children to be able to read this, without concern for verbal content. The merits of whether they should be reading it are a different matter.

I never planned to do a daily post either. Maybe two a week or something. But my first fortnight I had nothing else to do, and posts wrote themselves. At that point, I was stuck in a pattern and couldn't break it.

The picture a post thing has become a rule. It started with me wanting to break up my posts a bit and make them pretty. Now I do it for those reasons, but also out of habit and to show off some cool art. Not all posts have a picture though, so it isn't a hard-and-fast rule.

'Five on Friday' and 'Manic Monday' have become conventions too. I'm sure more rules will turn up in the future, and maybe some of the ones I have might disappear. I might start swearing like a sailor.

And yet, even after four months, I still don't know why I do this. Which, yes, does mean that you just read this huge, essay-like post to see that I've reached a conclusion that I don't know why I'm doing this. Sorry for that.

But I'm still getting a buzz from this. I still enjoy receiving comments on what I've written and like knowing that someone in New York reads this and someone is Sweden and people in Australia. It's a nice feeling. A bit narcissistic maybe, but still nice.

I even enjoy knowing that my friends read this regularly. Yes, they are my friends, but it gives me an ego boost to know that they log on daily, or weekly, to read what I've written. I like that they've known me so long, yet still care what I have to say. I'd have got annoyed by myself right now.

So maybe my temporary conclusion could be that I write this blog for the same reason I started blogging: vanity and ego.

I just like seeing my name in the corner.

:D